Quite ironic really, I write a post all about body confidence, when my photographer was shooting only my top half isn't it? I know, but I felt the natural and less quirky fashion poses suited this style of conversation. I'll begin and let you do a photography analysis post reading this gem.
'I wouldn't worry your body looks incredible'. I was told at some point last year; me, being the strange one that I am, could trace the date, time and conversation thread this was said but I shall not but this came to my head when I decided to write about the topic of body confidence. At the time of this comment being made, I was going to the gym four times a week; spinning 2 hours twice a week, Bollywood dancing x2 a week and slotting in a yoga/pilates class when I could. I was able to have such an active gym membership because I was at University doing a course with very few contact hours so the gym was always a great break between essays. I was at the top of my game and probably the most confident I have ever been with my figure.
Fast forward 12 months. I am now: a graduate, a busy city 9-5 worker and part time fashion and lifestyle blogger. Busy busy you think? No wonder why I can't squeeze in a male, bearded, Richard Hammond/Tom Hiddleston look a like in my life. Yes, it is now a case of slotting those hours of fitness into my manic schedule and sleep schedule too. I am liking my job, the fast paced life of London and my work friendships. However it's now a case of trying to figure out where my body confidence has gone. Did it go when I refreshed my outlook on my personal life? When I deleted several contacts in my phone book? Where has it gone too?
I'll tell you my fitness schedule and then you can tell me your thoughts. Everyday Monday-Friday I get up a 6am I catch a 50 minute train (usually asleep) and then have a 25 minute walk which with power walking and my favourite running trainers have condensed this to 15 minutes. I do this everyday twice a day. I will then try to go to a Body Combat class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I will then also attend my Saturday pump and combat double bill. After a class I feel pumped, I feel slimmer and more confident, despite the calories I've burnt not being automatically apparent. I don't know how, but the moment I come home from the gym or prior to a class I feel a million pounds despite looking a sweaty mess. So you're probably thinking, whats the problem Ev? The problem, dear readers, is, is that this isn't set in my schedule. If I miss a train, attend a meeting, finish a clients' report I'm late and miss my slot at the gym and feel like an elephant.
Everyone I speak to about my appearance, says the same, you haven't put weight on, don't be silly however I can't help but think this is them trying to keep me sweet and not upset my feelings. When in reality, it's them thinking where is her flat tummy gone? Well, I don't know where it went. I've gained some muscles on my ass, shoulders and quads but that's it for positive gains.
When proof reading this, I realised that I almost wrote this like a diary entry of self pity and hate but it's not like that all. This is us girls on a daily basis, everything above is how I am feeling. I do feel like an elephant 95% of the time; sometimes because I was naughty and ate gluten other times hormonal and other times because I genuinely feel enormous. However, I don't want to write a post that focuses heavily on self hate. I want to try and accept my body. Accept that it may have changed to me but not to others. Accept my new fitness schedule and accept my flaws.
I am confident in every aspect of my life, apart from my personal love life where I freeze at all moments. I am so confident with clothes and wearing quirky pieces but the second I have to confront my body it's like hell no! I need to find the confidence I have with clients, work colleagues, London, this blog and life in general and apply it to my body. Feeling happy and embracing my bust, my curves or just accepting my hour glass figure.
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