I write this post on a bit of whim really. I have Aphex Twin playing on my playlist and I am laid in fresh linen letting my mind wander. A wander which I feel like will keep me awake the majority of the night, nevertheless I wanted to write something. I also had these photos in my SD card that I had taken a few weeks back and only published on my Instagram platform. A platform you can find and follow below.
This week I will submit my final assignment for University which also means the end of an era; such an occasion spurred on this random post. Submitting this last assignment will mean that I will closing on a chapter a chapter of my life that has been present for the entirety of my life. I have been in education since the age of five and on Friday the 21st I shall leave it behind when I click submit or upload on the University submission portal. What does this mean? So for the next few months I will await for the marks for those essays and my overall degrees' grade. I will pray to every educational God in the Universe that my hard work will be rewarded with a 2:1. Other than the impending nerves and anxiety I have over my shoulder what else does this mean? I have a job yes as a sales assistant in a shop but what next..
Although I have my part time retail job I intend on leaving this behind within the next year because I want to embark on my career. I should also point out that I am not disregarding my experience in retail because I have made some lovely friendships both through colleagues and customers. I am saying, however, that I feel that I need more, because I am ambitious. I know people whose job is just a job and that is a life that I respect but I want a career. I want a job to, not, dominate my life but to transform my life and be the making of me. I think this is the pompous way of saying that I want to become the real life British version of Olivia Pope without a political scandal under my belt.
When you come into the final few months of your degree you have from every direction the big question which is…what will you do next? Well I have a real dream or ambition to work in London and work specifically in PR. I remember talking to a friend and she was talking about why she wanted to work in PR and such a chat inspired me to pursue such a career. I felt that everything I enjoy like talking, representing brands and promoting brands ethics and mottos was what I needed in a career. Im often asked why I didn’t embark on a degree in the subject but this is because I didn’t want to restrict myself incase doing it at degree level made me hate. I also at the time of selecting course choices enjoyed and still enjoy reading and analysing literature and didn’t want to stop at A Level. I dream of living and working in London because when I stalk the instagram’s of those who live up there I have the green eyed monster come all over me. I want (I use the word for emphasis rather than to come across big headed and arrogant) the fancy brunch dates in Notting Hill, I want the cocktail evenings and I want the check in’s on Facebook and Snapchat filters to prove where I work and live. I dream of tapping an oyster card wearing a macintosh and a pencil skirt, clomping around the city whilst continuously slaying. I dream of living in a Victorian style town house in a photogenic location suitable for outfit of the days. Yes I know quite far fetched but I’m going with it. Perhaps I am having a mid life crisis early perhaps what some would call a pre-25 crisis. Im freaking out that the direction I have taken with University is the wrong one. I fear that these dreams I have and want to happen will never amount to anything whilst I am stuck in a rut so today I am making a promise to myself and to this platform. I fear this will be like a Happy New Years post but it’s not don’t worry. These are promises for keeping me in this direction of becoming the real life Olivia Pope.
1)TO NOT CARE
The title of this promise sounds like I want to become carefree. I instead want it convey a sense of confidence. I want to no longer care what people think of my ambitious attitude towards my career and future lifestyle.
2) TO SLAY
My friends and I always say when we’re heading out on a lunch, dinner or club night that we are slaying. I seem to have this attitude only when I have a strapless bra on preparing for a night out but really I should feel like this all the time. I want to slay all the time. I want to be able to insert a smug face at all times and be the sassy lady I am at all times regardless of what people think. Again not caring being the big issue here
3) TO REMAIN AMBITIOUS
I often find being a woman and being ambitious often mocked or seemed as a flaw. Men often find my ambitious nature intimidating because I know what I want to disregard this attitudes and just remain ambitious I want to keep hold of those dreams and try and fulfil them.
4) TO STOP BEHIND HUNG UP ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE
I’ve spoken about my luck with the opposite sex; the nose kissing the singing of a particular Madonna song to get out of a new situations and the general mis interpreting of flirting. I seem to have quite bad luck but I have realised in the last six months that I have got to the place I'm in at this point without a male by my side. It isn’t to say that I wouldn’t like a male counterpart as that would be lying; but I need to have Madonna’s ‘Hung Up’ and stop getting hung up about being single whilst my friends are in relationships. I need to remember that things happen for a reason and a male who looks a cross between Tom Hiddleston, Richard Hammond and Alex Turner will grace my presence eventually but I need to have my head in the game. I need to continue to focus on my career and get there and then a man can fit with that. Anyway at this moment in time I can't fit in a man unless they fancy sliding in to my busy schedule.
I am going to leave it here before this becomes a published private diary entry. I leave by praying to something out there, that my hardworking and ambitious attitude is rewarded in the next few weeks and months.
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